Bill Clinton, Excess Electricity, and Me

It was Friday night. The conference was beginning. I sat in an auditorium with 1,000 other students, all eagerly anticipating his arrival. We were all incredibly excited to be in the same room as one of the most powerful people in the world. When he entered, energy surged as we all rose in unison, applauding with all our youthful eagerness. The moment felt so surreal. Was I really there?

Two days later, the conference was coming to a close. We all gathered in a local middle school for a service project. For our specific project, my team formed a massive assembly line, with students standing on either side of a long table, placing items in care packages for US troops. Like the person on the other side of the table from me, I had the duty of stuffing in toothbrush caps. After a weekend full of receiving so much, it was nice to have an opportunity to give a little back.

Little did I know what opportunity I was about to have. As we were working, some of the conference leaders came to the student working opposite me, and asked him to step aside.

Lightning Strikes

In his place stepped President Bill Clinton. He stood directly across the table, ready to help me stuff toothbrush caps in care packages.

On Friday, when President Clinton had entered a room filled with a thousand other people, energy had surged through the room. Today, all that energy seemed to concentrate itself into a single lightning bolt, which proceeded to strike my brain, frying it instantaneously.

Despite being reduced to smoldering ash, my brain noticed that his handlers actually had no idea how to correctly stuff a toothbrush cap in a care package. I immediately leaped to the rescue, volunteering my expertise:

“President Clinton! President Clinton!” I screamed (Probably unnecessary to yell since he was standing 3 feet away from me)

“You put the toothbrush cap in THIS pocket!”

“Hey, you actually know how to do this,” President Clinton replied. (At which point the wind wisped away what remained of the ashes of my brain.)

The seconds passed like hours, and I felt an intense pressure to converse.

“PRESIDENT CLINTON! PRESIENT CLINTON! Uh.....so....I hear you’re pretty busy.” (He nodded his head, seeming to assure me that this was the dumbest thing I had ever said in my entire life.)

Refusing to let my brain rest in peace, my mouth continued:

“So....how much sleep do you get at night?”

He opened his mouth and began to reply. Had I come up with a question that actually merited a verbal answer? Yes I had. President Clinton aims for seven hours of sleep a night. Good to know.

Mercifully, the student to my left appeared to have a functioning cerebral cortex, and asked President Clinton about his vegan lifestyle. We conversed about this, and various strategies for public health over the next five minutes or so. It turns out, that since many people can’t metabolize dairy, one of the easiest ways to lose weight without cutting calories is to remove foods like dairy from your diet. Good to know.

Suddenly, he began to move away.

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My organization! My purpose! My passion! HE NEEDED TO KNOW!!!!!!! If I could just give him my my handout, everything would be perfect.

“President Clinton! President Clinton” Now a whole five feet away from me, he mysteriously seemed unable to hear me)

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I jumped back from the table. I had a mission: The card in my hand, simply needed to enter his. I doddled behind him, trying to catch his attention. Take the card! Just take the card!

To make a long story short, the Secret Service were completely unhelpful. (Evidently they were completely unmoved by the plight of urban refugees in Thailand)

The Aftermath

As I arrived back to my table, tail between my legs, my brain miraculously resurrected, and informed me that I had just made an utter fool of myself to one of the most powerful people in the world.

But I really didn't care. How many people can say they got to make utter fools of themselves in front of President Clinton? I’ll take being special when I can get it.

In the meantime, I’m counting on the encounter being not just foolishness, but fate. I plan to see him again, and if I do, it will be confirmation that despite the Secret Service's coldness, the hopes of urban refugees in Thailand are improving. In the meantime, I’m also going to try to install a downconducter in my brain.

To find out more about the conference I went to, click here: www.cgiu.org

To find out more about our work to help urban refugees, click here: Life Raft International Or better yet, just e-mail me at Chris@liferaftinternational.org